Deadpool Inc.

15th Spree

2008-09-24T09:22:00Z

Oh come on, even I've read Macbeth. Well, I saw the movie once, anyway. Close enough.

Yeah, yeah, I killed a whole lotta people before. It's what I do. And I'm good at it. But I'm trying NOT to do it these days.

So, for the record, I'd like to say:

THEY ALL DESERVED IT, EVERY FREAKING ONE OF 'EM.

14th Costume Change

2008-09-22T04:54:38Z

LOOKIT ME! I'M DAVID BOWIE!

13th Shootout

2008-09-11T19:49:58Z

[Private to self]
Man, does my staff have the budget to keep me in this crossover special this long? Hey, maybe I'll get so popular I'll start getting into all the cool teams like Wolverine does! Then I'll get to be in all the movies and everyone can start getting bitter about me for a change! Who wouldn't want that!?

... Man, it's been too long since I've had to ~~cut through swaths of henchmen/ninjas~~ save the world. I think I might be starting to lose it. I mean, I'm talking to myself! You do that anyway! Yeah, but it's always in the lovable Shakespearian aside sort of way, not in the two-way dialogue sort of way! You've got a point... Well, stop talking to me and start talking to someone else, then! Hey, that's a good idea! Thanks! Anytime, me!

[/private]

I hate that guy. Jerk.

Say, you guys ever get this feeling like you've done something stupid but you don't know what it is? It's been bugging me. Kinda like when Cable screwed around with my head and made it like so's all the people I've killed would keep following me around through TV screens and stuff and whine at me like the ghosts of Christmas past or something. I think he thought it was supposed to make me feel bad about them all, but they were all evil ^$*holes who deserved to die! Some of 'em were even trying to destroy the world! .... Well, I mean, in the end he was right, anyway, but...

... Man, I've gotta stop doing the whole "like that time when" shtick. People are gonna start accusing me of Family Guy humor. Seriously, I hate that show. I don't think the world would mind if I saved it from Seth, right? Wow, I was actually able to mention those things by name! What kind of wacky, copyright-infringing world am I IN?!

12th Dorking

2008-09-05T00:18:41Z

Good thing that curse was just people slapping each other. If it'd been all 18th century-ish I'd be worried about learning stuff. Not just any stuff, either, but HISTORY. Another bullet dodged. Not that I usually have to dodge them, but just because I'm crazy doesn't mean that kinda thing doesn't hurt. I just have a high tolerance from years of experience.

Hey, is it quieter around here or do I have a knife through my ears again? No, no, I can still hear myself talk. Phew, I was worried for a moment there. Ask anyone who knows me, I do so enjoy the sound of my own voice. Has that cool kinda gravelly Demi Mooreish quality to it that just adds to any quip. Say, where'd that other guy go? Name was Matt? Something like that? Hey, that rhymed.

You guys are almost out of milk, by the way. Just letting you know. You should probably do something about that.

Say, Tony, find that kid yet? Freeloading is fun and all but it gets kinda dull after a while.

11th Quip

2008-08-28T21:19:49Z

Alright, so, I guess I've put it off long enough, but Tony, tightwad he is, won't pay me unless I actually do some work, so here we go. Isn't speaking in plurals fun? I see why Venom does it all the time.

So, I'm looking for some kid, calls herself "Spoiler"? Wears purple, ruins movie endings, cheats villains out of 8 bucks, something like that? I was told she's looking for training or something like that. I don't usually do this sorta thing, but hey, a job's a job. And since I haven't had a chance to look around for a Hydra base or armies of evil undead ninjas, it's been hard finding something fun to do.

Oh yeah, while I'm thinking about it, anyone here know anything about weapons? I'm gonna need a supplier/gunsmith while I'm here since Weasel's stuck wherever the heck he is now. Probably in jail for something or other without me there to bail him outta trouble. Haha! And when I get back I'll totally have to drag Bob along to help bust him out, and he'll have some crazy story to tell us about how he wound up there, and how Bubba was giving him the eye just before we heroically crash in and drag him out! Oh, man. I'm looking forward to that.

... So, uh, what was I talking about again? Oh, yeah, guns. Right. Swords, too. The ones I got are nice and all, and I try my best to keep 'em clean, but you never know. Weasel gave me this "indestructible" sword once, and stupid T-Ray broke it in half with those stupid ugly, hulk hands of his. Wait, was that how it happened? Wait, no, I think it was..... Ah... Huh. Well, it's not important. Point is, I'm not paying a ridiculous amount of money for an "indestructible" sword ever again unless it's actually indestructible.

Also, do they rent storage space around here? Like, rental trailer storage shed things? I need someplace to keep my crap. Don't wanna leave all those sharp, shooty toys where kids can get into trouble with them, right? ..... Hey, maybe I could tape them to the ceiling... Would that work? ... No, no, not enough room on the ceiling... Hmmm...

10th Pass

2008-08-20T18:08:40Z

Now THIS is my kind of curse.

Helloooooooooooooooo, biddies!

Hey, is Spidey still around? He can help me get together enough old ladies to remake Golden Girls!

9th Shot

2008-08-11T22:22:43Z

Y'know, I probably oughta look into getting a real roommate. I mean, even a guy like me can only settle for the company of the mentally deranged for so long. No offense, Napoleon.

So how about it, folks? Let's get better acquainted, huh? Okay, okay, me first!

Hi, my name is Wade (customers and weirdos I don't like can call me Deadpool) and ~~I'm addicted to sitcoms~~ ~~I'm a recovering homicidal psychopath~~ ~~I'm ugly as sin~~ ~~I've got a stockpile bigger than some lesser-known military outposts crammed into my backpack~~............. Um.... Well, let's just say I've got "eccentric" qualities. I mean, it's not like I'm the craziest guy here or anything. I like to think I make an honest effort, but that's beside the point. I also like long stalks through the dark insides of assorted super-fortresses and the like, I'm a big fan of all kinds of weaponry and infiltration techniques, and I like chimichangas (not the food, I just like saying it) and Bea Arthur. I'm also proficient in a large number of firearms and bladed weapons, and I was a sumo wrestler at one point! These days I'm just your regular super-hero/mercenary, doing what I can to help the world and doing bit jobs for whoever's crazy enough to hire me to do their dirty laundry in the meanwhile. ~~I wish I was being figurative.~~

Things I don't like include clowns, stock ninjas, ~~my face,~~ being typecast, having to sit still unless it's in front of a TV, Agent X, that other guy who says he's me but doesn't even LOOK like me he just says I stole his identity or some other crap like that which can't be proven because the writers don't agree on it, botching a job, clowns, people who don't stay dead when I kill them and then come back and give me a guilt trip about it like I wasn't 100% justified killing them in the first place since they were the ones doing the whole super-villain trip or because they were the ones that chose to be cannon fodder henchmen or whatever, and running out of ammo. Did I mention clowns? Eugh...

Hey, Tony, when am I supposed to start? I kind of need the cash. And something to shoot. I'd rather it not be something I'd feel guilty about.

8th Shenanigan//Voice post

2008-07-30T08:44:31Z

[Deadpool isn't affected, but the crazy homeless man he hangs out with apparently is. And he's singing Eric Idle. Deadpool couldn't be happier.]

"Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth~!"

Bravo, Sir Tim Bonaparte! I didn't know Napoleon could sing, man! Boy, not only am I enjoying a sense of childish giddiness, I'm also learning about history! This place is great!

7th numbered item

2008-07-24T20:59:18Z

Believe me when I say that I'm staying inside for your own good. I know it's tempting, but trust me. You're better off not lookin'.

Damn image inducer thingamawhatsit piece of crap doesn't work worth a damn, son of a..... Ugh.

Lucky for my new friend Tim.... Oh, sorry, Napoleon. Lucky for him he's got more screws loose than me or I'd worry for his mental health.

6th turn at Albuquerque

2008-07-12T23:30:47Z

[OOC: Yes..... He's going around doing the desert thing. And by that I mean he's riding a camel and wearing a turban and exploring the area. And he's having quite an awesome time of it. Seriously, though, if you have a Star Wars character, by ALL MEANS feel free to have them get snuck up on by him and have him do the whole Sand People noise. Heck, he might even knock you out and leave you there for the heck of it. He's not killing or brutally injuring anyone, though, don't worry. He WILL be looking for work, though, so anyone wants any seedy jobs done, let him know.]

5th What

2008-07-10T02:48:05Z

GODZILLA!

THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE BEST DAY EVER! I LOVE THIS TOWN!

4th Nonsense

2008-07-06T22:49:45Z

Oh, man, this is the best thing ever! Hey, anyone got any lions or, OH! HEY, IRON MAN! GET OVER HERE, WE NEED A TIN MAN! Bring some water, too, just in case. I hear any flapping wings and I'm shooting on si-..... eh.... sound. Yeah. DOROTHY, EAT YOUR HEART OUT! C'mon, Scarecrow! And a one, two, three-!

OOOOOh, I could while away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head, I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.

I'd unravel ev'ry riddle
For any individ'le
In trouble or in pain

With the thoughts you'd be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln,
If you only had a brain.

Oh, I could tell you why
The ocean's near the shore,
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I'd sit and think some more.

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a bra-ACK!

[ooc: Deadpool's trying to recreate the Wizard of Oz. Skipping along with a scarecrow he found, of course he has to do it blindfolded so the thing can keep moving, but they're both singing; of course, until Deadpool freaking trips and takes them both to the ground. Clumsy scarecrow+blindfolded Deadpool does not grace in motion make. Feel free to see the two nimrods, but the scarecrow'll probably stop moving upon such and make them fall over again. :D]

3rd Wisecrack

2008-07-03T00:22:25Z

Wade's To-do List:
1) Get place to stay to get off street and get a real shower (note: pay city back for broken fire hydrants later, but don't give one red cent ~~colored money, that kills me~~ to the witnesses)
2) Get job to get money
3) Use money to buy food, ammo, and a TV
4) See if they get anything with Bea in it in this dimension
5) Check up on old "friends"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey, this is kinda like when Nate was a baby, but with less loopholing and time paradoxing. Hey, I can verb whatever I adjective like verbing. Who's got the diapers? I know there's at least SOME of you out there who've got 'em. It's statistics, people. Even a guy like me knows that!

Anyway, Deadpool Inc. is open for business! Freelance mercenary work, bodyguarding, wisecracking, verbing, and if you're hot enough, and believe me, I'm not picky, potential nighttime companion! All I need to get started is a business partner/roommate/sidekick/loyal supporting cast, some funding, and a base of operations to get started.

2- Fun with Puns!

2008-06-30T18:49:44Z

And here I am without my water wings. This is the biggest letdown since Family Guy stopped being canceled. Really, the guys who green lighted that should be given the biggest wedgie known to man. I think I'd be just the man to do it, too. I won't rest until the evildoer's underwear's all the way down his and/or her throat!

But seriously, who the hell comes up with these jokes?

Anyway, before I go into a crazed frenzy breaking every clock I find in this city, anyone wanna offer a cool guy like me a place to stay?

~~~~~~~~~~~
[OOC: Wade Wilson, aka Deadpool. Since I can't think of anything for Wilson and since the real definition of a deadpool isn't interesting, good ol' Wade is wearing a deflated wading pool around his waist like a limp tutu. Get it? It's a DEAD POOL. HAHAHAHA.]

1st Job//Voice

2008-06-28T01:06:39Z

Hey, hey, is this thing on? Hey, what planet is this? I thought I wasn't supposed to show up again 'til they gave us another series! Damnit, I'm missing my soaps! Stupid multidimensional crossovers screwing up my schedule of not doing anything....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[OOC: DEADPOOL. So yeah, merc with a mouth is in full costume by the fountain, swords, guns, teleporter, image inducer, the works with him. We're off to see WALL-E, but I'll be back later to answer tags! Lol, chimichanga~.]

TOP SECRET

2008-06-23T04:02:29Z

THE TRUTH OF THE LITTLE YELLOW BOXES:

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Copy and paste this code, and type the words in between, my friends. Use it wisely.