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11th-Aug-2008 05:52 pm - 9th Shot
Doorknobs
Y'know, I probably oughta look into getting a real roommate. I mean, even a guy like me can only settle for the company of the mentally deranged for so long. No offense, Napoleon.

So how about it, folks? Let's get better acquainted, huh? Okay, okay, me first!

Hi, my name is Wade (customers and weirdos I don't like can call me Deadpool) and I'm addicted to sitcoms I'm a recovering homicidal psychopath I'm ugly as sin I've got a stockpile bigger than some lesser-known military outposts crammed into my backpack............. Um.... Well, let's just say I've got "eccentric" qualities. I mean, it's not like I'm the craziest guy here or anything. I like to think I make an honest effort, but that's beside the point. I also like long stalks through the dark insides of assorted super-fortresses and the like, I'm a big fan of all kinds of weaponry and infiltration techniques, and I like chimichangas (not the food, I just like saying it) and Bea Arthur. I'm also proficient in a large number of firearms and bladed weapons, and I was a sumo wrestler at one point! These days I'm just your regular super-hero/mercenary, doing what I can to help the world and doing bit jobs for whoever's crazy enough to hire me to do their dirty laundry in the meanwhile. I wish I was being figurative.

Things I don't like include clowns, stock ninjas, my face, being typecast, having to sit still unless it's in front of a TV, Agent X, that other guy who says he's me but doesn't even LOOK like me he just says I stole his identity or some other crap like that which can't be proven because the writers don't agree on it, botching a job, clowns, people who don't stay dead when I kill them and then come back and give me a guilt trip about it like I wasn't 100% justified killing them in the first place since they were the ones doing the whole super-villain trip or because they were the ones that chose to be cannon fodder henchmen or whatever, and running out of ammo. Did I mention clowns? Eugh...

Hey, Tony, when am I supposed to start? I kind of need the cash. And something to shoot. I'd rather it not be something I'd feel guilty about.

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